Zoo Joke: Talking Monkey

A zookeeper is reading the paper one morning when he spots an ad in the classifieds:

“Monkey, free to good home; comes with cage, perching, toys, and food.  Health certificate provided.”

It looked like a pretty great deal, and the zoo could use another monkey, so he decided to check it out.  He called the number listed and set up a time to go and see the monkey and meet his owner. When he got to the owner’s house, he was taken into the living room, where the monkey sat on its perch.  Before the zookeeper could say a word, the monkey began to talk,

“Please sir, please, whoever you are, take me away from this horrible man!”

“You can talk!” Exclaimed the zookeeper. 

“Indeed I can.  I was the prince of my troop back in Africa, and sent overseas on scholarship.  I studied at the finest universities… Harvard… Oxford… and received top marks, before graduating and traveling the world.  I am an accomplished painter, a recognized actor of stage and screen, and a music virtuoso.  I have performed in front of the kings of three different countries, as well as four Presidents and two Popes.  Then, this awful man came and kidnapped me, and now I just sit here, neglected and unloved.  Oh, won’t you please help me?”

Moved by the monkey’s pleas, the zookeeper agreed to take him.  Soon, he and the owner were loading the monkey’s cage and toys and other equipment into the zookeeper’s truck.

“He seems like a pretty incredible little fellow,” the keeper replied as they carried the cage across the yard.  “Very talented, too.  Why on earth are you just giving him away like this?”

“Because,” sighed the monkey’s former owner, “I can’t stand listening to those lies all day, everyday!”